hangover

the official feeling of adulthood

luck

the imaginary force involved when events we consider positive or negative coincide with our sense of entitlement to them

wedding

a ceremony that makes stupid people not treat pregnant women like shit

the bar

where misadventures begin

camera

an object which causes people to go places and smile

whistle

an object which is always presumed to be, comparatively speaking, clean

cervix

where the fun stops and the reproduction begins

traffic

The thousands of people whose only purpose in life is hiding in my blind spot, cutting me off, and getting in front of me so they can slow way down.

the big lebowski

In the end, there are only three stories. Man comes to town, man leaves town, and the big lebowski.

spouse

The only member of your family you are free to choose.